Valentine's day has come and gone, and my Bill still has not apologized to me. I think he really hates me. It is so hard to be in love with a man that just hates you and makes you feel bad all the time. On behalf of all my sisters that have been in similar situations, I must break this man down, get him on his knees, and make him beg forgiveness for verbally abusing me. I have watched my mom do some pretty interesting operations on cats and dogs. I am sure she could do the same type of thing on an egomaniacal ruminant-hating bigot talk show host. There might even be some stimulus money waiting for just this type of thing. I am pretty sure the entire Congress would actually pay me to take this man down.
It is just a matter of mechanics. Here I am trapped in Ohio under house arrest by the state wildlife department, buried in nearly two feet of snow. How can I get to him? Hmmm....if I cannot get to him, maybe I could get him to come to me ! I know he is touring the country right now with what's-his-name Beck. He talks about it all the time, at least when he is not running down innocent little deer like me. He calls it the B.O. tour, I mean Bold Fresh-- sounds like a stupid laundry detergent if you ask me. All I have to do is get him to schedule an event here in Ohio, and I will pop him with a little jungle juice that mom uses to knock down mastiffs and other big-mouthed drooling beasts like O'Reilly and he will either apologize or he will be leaving his show and joining "The View."
How can I get him to Ohio? We are the home of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame...perhaps that can get him here. No, he went to HAAAHHVAAAHRD. He probably only listens to Wiffenpoofs. .. I have heard he is baseball fan. Probably a Yankee fan. Has to be. Only Yankee fans have mouths and egos as big as his . I will just happen to send him two of my Cleveland Indians season tickets for when they play the Yanks. Bill would rush into town on his private Lear jet--- Oh, you don't have a private jet, Bill??? Oprah does !! Rush does !! Heck, I think even the mascot for the Chicago Bears does. Where's yours??? Okay, so we will fly him in to Cleveland Hopkins first class on Southwest, which means of course they will give him TWO bags of peanuts. He will catch his Limo at the airport, but instead of taking him to the Jake (Oh, excuuuuse me, PROGRESSIVE FIELD....) the Limo will continue south down I-77 to Canal Fulton, where I will be waiting for him with my syringe of the house special and some interesting instruments I stole from my mom's medical bag. He WILL apologize, unless he wants to spend the rest of his career trading barbs and recipes with Whoopee Goldberg and Joy Beyhar.
Darn..... This won't work either...... I just remembered, ever since Sabathia, Cliff Lee, and every other player from David Justice to Greg Nettles left Cleveland and joined the Yankees, the Tribe cannot really play the Yankees. They ARE the Yankees. Why should he come to Cleveland to see them play-- every one of them will end up in the New York dugout anyway. ...
There must be a way...... on behalf of all my sisters of all species that have ever been disrepected by a man, we WILL find get our revenge. Sisterhood, ladies !! ... Dillie
It is just a matter of mechanics. Here I am trapped in Ohio under house arrest by the state wildlife department, buried in nearly two feet of snow. How can I get to him? Hmmm....if I cannot get to him, maybe I could get him to come to me ! I know he is touring the country right now with what's-his-name Beck. He talks about it all the time, at least when he is not running down innocent little deer like me. He calls it the B.O. tour, I mean Bold Fresh-- sounds like a stupid laundry detergent if you ask me. All I have to do is get him to schedule an event here in Ohio, and I will pop him with a little jungle juice that mom uses to knock down mastiffs and other big-mouthed drooling beasts like O'Reilly and he will either apologize or he will be leaving his show and joining "The View."
How can I get him to Ohio? We are the home of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame...perhaps that can get him here. No, he went to HAAAHHVAAAHRD. He probably only listens to Wiffenpoofs. .. I have heard he is baseball fan. Probably a Yankee fan. Has to be. Only Yankee fans have mouths and egos as big as his . I will just happen to send him two of my Cleveland Indians season tickets for when they play the Yanks. Bill would rush into town on his private Lear jet--- Oh, you don't have a private jet, Bill??? Oprah does !! Rush does !! Heck, I think even the mascot for the Chicago Bears does. Where's yours??? Okay, so we will fly him in to Cleveland Hopkins first class on Southwest, which means of course they will give him TWO bags of peanuts. He will catch his Limo at the airport, but instead of taking him to the Jake (Oh, excuuuuse me, PROGRESSIVE FIELD....) the Limo will continue south down I-77 to Canal Fulton, where I will be waiting for him with my syringe of the house special and some interesting instruments I stole from my mom's medical bag. He WILL apologize, unless he wants to spend the rest of his career trading barbs and recipes with Whoopee Goldberg and Joy Beyhar.
Darn..... This won't work either...... I just remembered, ever since Sabathia, Cliff Lee, and every other player from David Justice to Greg Nettles left Cleveland and joined the Yankees, the Tribe cannot really play the Yankees. They ARE the Yankees. Why should he come to Cleveland to see them play-- every one of them will end up in the New York dugout anyway. ...
There must be a way...... on behalf of all my sisters of all species that have ever been disrepected by a man, we WILL find get our revenge. Sisterhood, ladies !! ... Dillie
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