When Bill said all those awful things about me, he ended his story by saying I was going to give my beloved family Lyme's Disease-- Borreliosis. Obviously, he doesn't know as much about medicine as my mom the vet does, so once again he was just showing how ignorant he is. I am thinking perhaps, that I could use that ignorance to my advantage to get back at him and make him breakdown on national TV and beg my apology.
This seems like a pretty simple plan. I just need to collect a few special ticks from my cousins out in the wild. It can't just be from around my house though, as we don't have much Lyme's disease in these here parts. I will have to collect ticks from deer from places like Maryland and Pennsylvania,. The problem is, I don't know any deer there, and my mom took my Iphone away because she caught me text-messaging my boyfriend Kenny the Goat too many times.
Fortunately, through the wonders of technology, I was able to social network from some cute deer from the Eastern Maryland Anything for a Buck Deer Farm and Ruminant Penal Colony. My deer buddy in Florida, Spike, has a naughty cousin doing some time there. He's there for some business about rutting with the farmer's daughter or something. I guess he's a pretty bad dude. Rumor has it that he once opened fire with a Mac 10 on a deer hunter and strung him up by his ankles, "just for fun".
I will just send him a quick e-mail, have him collect the ticks, and then I will have someone deliver them to Bill hidden on a nice flowering plant my accomplice will put right on his desk. The ticks will crawl off, attach to Bill, and within a few days he will have the "bullseye" rash and a 105.0 fever. Then I will follow up with a note to hims "Apologize to Dillie and I will tell you where I hid the Doxycycline!"
First step: Email "Ike"
Dear Ike, Inmate 50426
My name is Dillie and I am a perfect angel deer that wants nothing but peace and love in the whole world, but also to chop up Mr. O'Reilly in tiny little carnivorous ruminant-hating bigot stew pieces to make him apologize to me for trashing my reputation on national tv. I was thinking of sending hims some Lyme's Disease ticks to get back at him. Can you do this, and how much do your charge? Love, Dillie .
Wow-- I got an answer already.
"Dear Dillie: All our mail is monitored here so I cannot answer your letter very well. Let me just say the package you asked about can be delivered, though it will not be easy. People like you know who tend to have more security around them than the President due to the large numbers of people and other animals driven to insane rage because of their hateful bigotry. I am not saying it cannot be done.. Just saying it will be hard. So the price is going to be steep.
To do the kind of thing you were saying, delivering the parcel, postage and all, is going to run you 10 B, 1M, plus 55 K. (10 bananas, 1 mango, 55 kiwis.) You will have to send the fruit in small unmarked portions and take the Sunkist seals off so they cannot be traced. That will get your package delivered. Throw in another 10 b and I will personally make sure the bum has an allergic reaction to the antibiotic, too.
I don't get out of the joint here for another 4 rut seasons. Do you think you can wait that long? Otherwise you need to get me out of this place and I can take care of it for you.
I hear you have a nice comfy bed to lay on and don't have to be out in the snow if you want. I want a piece ot that , too. So if you want this to happen, tell your folks to get a pull out sofa for me, unless they want me sharing the same room with you.
Ike"
Oh no ! What have I gotten into . I hope those ticks bite him, that lowlife. This will not work-- I can't do that to mom and dad. I must think of a better way. ...
Darn it , Bill !! Why dont' you just admit you are sorry and save me all this aggravation???? Dillie
This seems like a pretty simple plan. I just need to collect a few special ticks from my cousins out in the wild. It can't just be from around my house though, as we don't have much Lyme's disease in these here parts. I will have to collect ticks from deer from places like Maryland and Pennsylvania,. The problem is, I don't know any deer there, and my mom took my Iphone away because she caught me text-messaging my boyfriend Kenny the Goat too many times.
Fortunately, through the wonders of technology, I was able to social network from some cute deer from the Eastern Maryland Anything for a Buck Deer Farm and Ruminant Penal Colony. My deer buddy in Florida, Spike, has a naughty cousin doing some time there. He's there for some business about rutting with the farmer's daughter or something. I guess he's a pretty bad dude. Rumor has it that he once opened fire with a Mac 10 on a deer hunter and strung him up by his ankles, "just for fun".
I will just send him a quick e-mail, have him collect the ticks, and then I will have someone deliver them to Bill hidden on a nice flowering plant my accomplice will put right on his desk. The ticks will crawl off, attach to Bill, and within a few days he will have the "bullseye" rash and a 105.0 fever. Then I will follow up with a note to hims "Apologize to Dillie and I will tell you where I hid the Doxycycline!"
First step: Email "Ike"
Dear Ike, Inmate 50426
My name is Dillie and I am a perfect angel deer that wants nothing but peace and love in the whole world, but also to chop up Mr. O'Reilly in tiny little carnivorous ruminant-hating bigot stew pieces to make him apologize to me for trashing my reputation on national tv. I was thinking of sending hims some Lyme's Disease ticks to get back at him. Can you do this, and how much do your charge? Love, Dillie .
Wow-- I got an answer already.
"Dear Dillie: All our mail is monitored here so I cannot answer your letter very well. Let me just say the package you asked about can be delivered, though it will not be easy. People like you know who tend to have more security around them than the President due to the large numbers of people and other animals driven to insane rage because of their hateful bigotry. I am not saying it cannot be done.. Just saying it will be hard. So the price is going to be steep.
To do the kind of thing you were saying, delivering the parcel, postage and all, is going to run you 10 B, 1M, plus 55 K. (10 bananas, 1 mango, 55 kiwis.) You will have to send the fruit in small unmarked portions and take the Sunkist seals off so they cannot be traced. That will get your package delivered. Throw in another 10 b and I will personally make sure the bum has an allergic reaction to the antibiotic, too.
I don't get out of the joint here for another 4 rut seasons. Do you think you can wait that long? Otherwise you need to get me out of this place and I can take care of it for you.
I hear you have a nice comfy bed to lay on and don't have to be out in the snow if you want. I want a piece ot that , too. So if you want this to happen, tell your folks to get a pull out sofa for me, unless they want me sharing the same room with you.
Ike"
Oh no ! What have I gotten into . I hope those ticks bite him, that lowlife. This will not work-- I can't do that to mom and dad. I must think of a better way. ...
Darn it , Bill !! Why dont' you just admit you are sorry and save me all this aggravation???? Dillie
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